I am sitting here. I am sitting here and I am typing this. I am amazing. I am amazing! I am sitting here and I am typing this and as I am typing this I am amazing!! READ THIS! IT IS AMAZING! These are profound insights. These are my words. I didn't make this words but I put them in this order. I am the greatest chef in the world. The world gave the goods, but look at this I mixed them up just right! You can taste it can't you?

Think of all the amazing things I can do! I can sit here and type this. I can look at things and feel things. I see know and I know that I am amazing. I see a shadow and it spins and I can sense it in the wind on the air it comes blasting in the current. This spinning shadow. Maybe I'm spinning. Did you read those last few sentences? They were fucking great right?

I think I'm amazing. Just like really stunningly cool. Wicked awesome. Radical to the extreme. I would go so far as to say fuckin' tubular because these are the kind of things I can get away with. I'm just that awesome. I'm just that fuckin' tubularly amazin'. I don't even have to write the "g"s a the end of words that require them. Check that amazing shit out.things and I know them and I feel what I want to know. I

I can write and I can do this. I can find words and I can tell you what they mean and I can use them. Isn't that amazing? And won't people read this? And somebody might think it's amazing.

Don't you think so? Don't you? Say somethin' god dammit. Fine, just say something just tell me. Tell me it's good. Tell me it's amazing. Come on, now it's not that hard.

Which is what I'm writing for cause I want somebody to tell me it's amazing. That's what I'm doing. It's self-aggrandizement. It is entirely selfish. I am not amazing. I am a fucking hack. Can't you tell? I am a second rate David Eggers. Did you read that book? Do you see how fucking blatantly I'm ripping him off? My writing is stunning mediocrity. I am far less interesting than I believe. I am begging for compliments. I desire acceptance. I want to be noticed. I pretend that I am in this for the drive and the feeling but I am in this to be noticed.

No. I am not. I am amazing. And if not amazing than I am real at least, which should count for some points I think. And I am really me. I question myself but I am too hard on myself. I am not doing this to be noticed. I am doing this because it is me.

It is narcissistic of me to think that anybody gives a shit.

But people do give a shit. They do give a shit. I am far less interesting than I think, but certainly I am far more interesting than I know.

See, even that makes no fucking sense.

I know but it seems smart. Maybe? Maybe it's amazing.

I just want to be me. I'm not trying to be anything else. I don't begrudge anybody else what they do and what they know and what they feel. I don't begrudge anybody else for being amazing. I don't even want to be amazing. I just want to be me. And it's not fucking fair that David Eggers gets dibs on self-aware self-critical ramblings. I'll take this one to court. I am real and I am me and I am not copying fucking anyone. I'll keep telling myself this. This is me and I am amazing

Again with the narcissism.

I firmly believe that if I am just me that will be amazing.

Well I amaze myself sometimes, at any rate.

Star Trek is on in the background. The original series.