I wrote the following in... I guess March of 2004. It's been about a year since I wrote it, and I have absolutely no recollection of writing it.

But I am now intrigued.

Attempting to engage those around you in discourse is often an exercise in futility. Certainly you see this is the case. I’m not even talking about discoursing in regard to theatre and art, I’m talking about getting anybody to talk to you about basically anything. I’m confident this does not just happen to me. Generally, people don’t want to talk about stuff. Whether this is because of my stunning prowess as a rhetorician has yet to be proven conclusively, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
One reason people have given me for not engaging in discussions on serious themes is that they don’t “want to argue.” This seems ridiculous to me; if we’re not here to argue, what the hell are we doing here? Passive acceptance isn’t worth the breath it takes to sustain life long enough to nod in dumb agreement. I’m here to argue.
And that’s not even the point. So, I don’t mind arguing—that’s something to keep in mind. But I believe there can be heated discussion without argument. I believe the two are disparate, and that they’re dissimilar enough that I figure people shouldn’t confuse them. I don’t know what separates them, I just know that they’re separate. I don’t feel offended when people disagree with me, I feel offended when I make a point on a challenging issue and nobody demands that I back myself up with facts, or nobody disagrees. That’s what’s really offensive. It’s not demeaning to be challenged, it’s respectful.
All that aside:
Another reason I believe people tend not to discuss things—and this might be particularly with me—is that they’re afraid of sounding uninformed or less… I don’t know, prepared for an argument. I tend to state things with a lot of… gusto. I tend to state things loudly and broadly and it scares people into thinking that I’m not a poorly-informed hack. Little do they know. All jokes aside, vocabulary tends to worry the prospective counterpoints away, and I am at least skilled at appearing to have one. A vocabulary.
Also, I apparently have the tendency to… state things in such a way that cuts off counterargument. I mean, except for my brother, who is able to systematically immolate nearly any argument I can bring up on any subject. But yes… I state things dramatically and solidly, and again that frightens people off.
If you’re worrying that this is off the topic of why I’m choosing to do theatre as a career, put those worries aside and know that, while I don’t have a clear plan, I do remember where I’m trying to get back to, thesis-wise.
What those who choose to discuss things with me will quickly notice is that I am your typical extravert—sometimes I don’t know what I mean until I hear what I say. So I might bombastically state a point and then back away from it suddenly and without warning. I just want to talk about things because not only does it help me learn how to talk about things, it helps me figure out what I think about those things in the first place.
There may be more reasons people choose not to discuss openly in public. But fear of being wrong, fear of seeming inadequately prepared, fear of offending a friend… perhaps one to throw into this list is just plain ignorant and pleased to stay that way, though I hope that isn’t the case with anyone I’d try to engage in discussion outside of classes in CAS.
OK so then point one: theatre gives me the opportunity to discuss themes and ideas without making anybody seem responsible for defending a side, or convincing me or anything. Theatre gives me an opportunity to pick a play with weighty elements, and spend months in a room with a talented and brilliant group of people in physical discussion with one another and with the themes. Rock on, you know?
Point two: after all that time engaging in discussion with a brilliant cast about just what the hell we’re doing with a play, I get to engage the audience in discussion. Sorta. This is a tricky one, in that I get to present a fully fleshed-out argument to an audience if I so desire. I can do one side; I can do the other. I can also present both sides of the argument with neither one winning so well. I get to personally decide the argument I’m presenting to a whole crowd of people who have paid for the experience of hearing my argument presented to them.
Sweet!
Then, similarly, people tend to be able to hear arguments better when they’re presented by the above oft-mentioned PRETEND PEOPLE. Why this is I have NO CLUE, it seems singularly bizarre to me that people would be willing to pay money and spend good time sitting in rows watching fake people talk about issues rather than engage in issue discussion themselves.
For many, theatre is seen as entertainment rather than discussion. These people should watch television.
“So,” you say, “this is very elitist of you. Theatre is for those who wish to engage in discussion, and those who desire entertainment should watch Everybody Loves Raymond?”
Well… yeah, OK. Maybe that is what I mean.
I don’t know! I don’t know?
I want an audience that wants to engage.
That wants to argue.
That is willing to stand up afterward and blatantly disagree.
That stands up and blatantly disagrees during a performance.
I want an audience that is not complacent.
That does not complacently agree.
That does not want solely to be entertained.
I am not interesting in maintaining order. I don’t mean that I want to physically attack anyone, but I want to create a theatre of aggression. A theatre of argument. A theatre...

Look, I want theatre to be entertaining. I just think you can have your cake and that you can eat it too but that also your cake can kick fucking ass! Like be a really tasty cake. Theatre does not have to be lecture OR entertainment. There is a middle ground where theatre can be both engaging and entertaining. I want to do this. I do not want to offend an audience, I want to engage them in a communal conversation that sparks thought and discussion.
So, you see, getting to


The Point
Is that theatre, for all its weirdness, can be kind of effective, oddly enough. If done right I think I can achieve these things I am after.


We’ll see I guess.