Ladies and Gentlemen, "Reverse Raccoon Syndrome" finally has a name. I actually went to the dermatologist and had my pale-ass skin looked at. Well, that's pale skin, not actually 'pale-ass' you know what I'm saying?
I have Vitiligo. What's Vitiligo? He's the villain from Ghostbusters II.
Vitiligo is also what is commonly known as "Michael Jackson Disease," because Vitiligo helped turn him from this
into this
Luckily there were other contributing factors, like him sawing his nose off a number of times and also going slowly insane. Also, I do have the added benefit that I'm starting off significantly more pale than he was, meaning that I have a lot less distance to cover before I'm bone-ass white.
Will I actually turn into some pale, ghostly monster? There's no way to tell. They don't know what causes Vitiligo. And they don't know how to cure it. The options are these:
1) Some steroid cream that might work. (OK, check.)
2) Some stronger steroid injections, then putting my hands under UV lights three times a week in my doctor's office for years. Possibly effective, possibly not. (Umm... not so much 'check' as 'pass.')
3) Skin grafts (pass)
4) Makeup(pass)
5) Artificial tans. (we'll go with pass)
Oh, and I forgot: the other thing they recommend is to get down on your knees and pray to the sweet Christ above that you don't get huge white splotches all over your face. You know, they say prayer is effective, and from what I've read it's probably about as effective as these steroid creams. I will try them anyway, because having white circles around my eyes means that people ask me why I have white circles around me eyes, and if the possibility exists that I wouldn't have to deal with that anymore, I guess that's worth the trouble.
But, truthfully, I don't actually care that much. It's hardly noticeable when I'm not in the sun all of the time, and even when it is noticeable it's the realm of 'mild inconvenience' not 'precursor to painful death.' I'm hoping it doesn't spread much more, but it's completely out of my control. If it does spread, I'll just tell people that I got hideously burned saving people from a burning boat. Or one-up myself and say that I saved a class of children on the Roosevelt Island Aerial Tramway from being dropped to their death by a flying billionaire dressed in a green Power Rangers suit.
Either way, the improbable may happen: I may get even whiter than I already am.
I have Vitiligo. What's Vitiligo? He's the villain from Ghostbusters II.
Vitiligo is also what is commonly known as "Michael Jackson Disease," because Vitiligo helped turn him from this
into this
Luckily there were other contributing factors, like him sawing his nose off a number of times and also going slowly insane. Also, I do have the added benefit that I'm starting off significantly more pale than he was, meaning that I have a lot less distance to cover before I'm bone-ass white.
Will I actually turn into some pale, ghostly monster? There's no way to tell. They don't know what causes Vitiligo. And they don't know how to cure it. The options are these:
1) Some steroid cream that might work. (OK, check.)
2) Some stronger steroid injections, then putting my hands under UV lights three times a week in my doctor's office for years. Possibly effective, possibly not. (Umm... not so much 'check' as 'pass.')
3) Skin grafts (pass)
4) Makeup(pass)
5) Artificial tans. (we'll go with pass)
Oh, and I forgot: the other thing they recommend is to get down on your knees and pray to the sweet Christ above that you don't get huge white splotches all over your face. You know, they say prayer is effective, and from what I've read it's probably about as effective as these steroid creams. I will try them anyway, because having white circles around my eyes means that people ask me why I have white circles around me eyes, and if the possibility exists that I wouldn't have to deal with that anymore, I guess that's worth the trouble.
But, truthfully, I don't actually care that much. It's hardly noticeable when I'm not in the sun all of the time, and even when it is noticeable it's the realm of 'mild inconvenience' not 'precursor to painful death.' I'm hoping it doesn't spread much more, but it's completely out of my control. If it does spread, I'll just tell people that I got hideously burned saving people from a burning boat. Or one-up myself and say that I saved a class of children on the Roosevelt Island Aerial Tramway from being dropped to their death by a flying billionaire dressed in a green Power Rangers suit.
Either way, the improbable may happen: I may get even whiter than I already am.
posted by Dave @ 7/29/2005 11:05:00 AM
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