December 7, 2007
On Fridays, I write IB backwards. I start with the COTW, do the comments, then work my way back up toward the top. I wrote this last. Now I will write the date at the top. IT'S LIKE MEMENTO.
On this date in 1787, Delaware became the first state to ratify the Constitution. Yes. The draft was finally done, it was ready to go, and everybody was basically pleased with most of it and mortified by certain other bits. But, yes, finally, it was time to be ratified.
"Whoso e'er shall ratify this?" said the guy in charge of ratification who was, uh, Samuel Adams (?).
Then here comes Delaware's delegate sprinting full tilt up the aisle of Constitution Hall (then known as Articles of Confederation House) like a bat out of a Meatloaf album, pen already in hand, trailing ink behind, with a manic expression and a full-throated scream of "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FIIIIIIIIIIRST!". He came to the front of the room, skidded to a halt. He cleared his throat. He calmly wrote "Delaware" on the bottom of the document and then, in a hand that made Hancock look like Revere (hotcha!) he wrote
FIRST POST! FIRSTIES! FRIST FIRST FIRTS POTS!
He then ran laughing from the hall.
And nobody has seen Delaware since.
Correspondence of the Weak!
IBEater Slaney just asks y? Y? Y?
"Your world history class sounds exactly like mine, only my teacher's favorite saying was "There is only X amount of power." "
Did you then have to solve for x? Was there some sort of crazy crossover between world history and algebra 2? 'Cause that would have been sort of often. More likely, though, is that your teacher just had x amount of sayings where x=1 and 1=there is only x amount of power. I think I'm Will Hunting.
IBEater Not-Workstudy Dane presumably also was forced to color-code the countries of the former Ottoman Empire:
"I too had that powder keg analogy."
Which makes sense, because we went to school in an era rife with powder kegs. It was basically everyday I tied my horse to the hitching post and sidled bowlegged into the one-room schoolhouse past a pile of powder kegs. Such an apt metaphor. I'm from California. Slaney's a Hoosier. Dane, I don't know where you're from, but for the sake of argument let's say it's Montalasippiskoming. That's like a third of the country with crummy world history classes. Can I be honest? I feel so left behind. Somebody should enact some legislation so this doesn't happen anymore.
IBEater Laura responds to last Friday's Unsubscribe, in which IBEater Deena told me that people only write to be in COTW:
"She's right. That's why I've decided to only write to you on Friday afternoons from now on. "
Wait, you're only writing on Friday afternoon so that I don't quote you in COTW? Well I'll make sure never to quote you then. Wait. DRAT! Also, you do know that I don't just quote like random emails I get from my friends here? They actually have to be IB related. Although there are some good CHUCK NORRIS JOKES I was just forwarded. Perhaps I should send those along?
IBEater Slaney, whom you can find at www.slaneychadwickross.com, Double-Dips Today:
"I was at Barnes and Noble the other day looking at kid's books and I found a children's Chanukah book called Chanukah At Valley Forge [http://tinyurl.com/3dwdk4]. There's a picture of a dude in a yamulke lighting a menorah while George Washington looks on. Thought you'd want to know."
Yes. Yes, I did want to know this. I think I need to own that book. I think there's a whole line of books possible here, don't you? Yom Kippur at Little Big Horn. Rosh Hashanah at Gettysburg. Passover at the Charge of the Light Brigade. Um. You could switch it up and have like Good Friday at the Six-Day War. It could be a whole series! With a lot of complaints.
IBEater D-Lo D's Low:
"Are you telling me that when I die, I go to Virginia?"
I think when we die we go to Denver. I hear there's lots to do there.
IBEater My Brother makesh me laugh (note: "makesh" should read "makes"):
IBEater Jason wrote me an epistle, yo. This is taken from Chapter 13 Verses 9-12
"Technically, there is a third footnote since I can plainly see it. In actuality it is just a footnote that isn't referenced. So the question becomes, does a footnote exist without a reference? There is a "If a tree falls and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a noise?" joke in there somewhere I just can't find it. "
If there's a joke to be made and nobody makes it, are the trees on butane? Whoops, guess I missed it too.
And, finally, IBEater Adam sleeps with both eyes open, but not because he's frightened. He just has a condition where he can't close his eyes:
"I must need sleep. I read that "Woolsey then sentenced himself to a be a ninja" instead of "ninety days."
And in my woozy state let me propose: is it really a punishment to sentence oneself to be a ninja? Isn't that the same as a lifetime sentence for awesomeness? Get to kill pirates all day long... "
That definitely would have made that one even weirder, right? I SENTENCE MYSELF TO BE A NINJA KEEYAI! I do like the idea of lifetime sentences of awesomeness. I would sentence myself to... to... be a cool guy... or something...
I guess I probably need to think about it.
Huh.
Anyway, IBEater Eric takes us into the weekend, with an email that he said wasn't intended for COTW but which somehow made it in anyway. Them's the nature of things, apparently. The answer to his query is, of course, that I NEVER LEARNED TO COUNT.
Back on Monday. No funny stuff.
*****
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Let me preface this email with this: I love your haiku's. I look foreword to them all. They make me happy.
Now I'm not saying you made a "mistake" or "took the easy way out" or "bent the truth to make it follow your syllabic scheme," but Slaney Chadwick Ross is only five syllables. However, if you were to note this in your second line, the line would only consist of 6 syllables and not the 7 syllables you so eloquently laid down on our [squash].
Explanations? No need, unless of course you wanted to fill me in. Now I'm not saying that this "ruined my morning" or "caused me to get fired" or "gave me the runs so bad, I though it was raining on a sulfur quarry in my [squash]," but I will say I'm a smidgen confused.
By the way, this email is not intended for your COTW. I will not be one of those [gourds] picking at the content of your Haiku's like I'm actually doing. This is between you and me man. Mano y mano y haikuo. I don't know you man. Right now I'm not a cop. We're just two cool dudes on a bus.
On this date in 1787, Delaware became the first state to ratify the Constitution. Yes. The draft was finally done, it was ready to go, and everybody was basically pleased with most of it and mortified by certain other bits. But, yes, finally, it was time to be ratified.
"Whoso e'er shall ratify this?" said the guy in charge of ratification who was, uh, Samuel Adams (?).
Then here comes Delaware's delegate sprinting full tilt up the aisle of Constitution Hall (then known as Articles of Confederation House) like a bat out of a Meatloaf album, pen already in hand, trailing ink behind, with a manic expression and a full-throated scream of "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FIIIIIIIIIIRST!". He came to the front of the room, skidded to a halt. He cleared his throat. He calmly wrote "Delaware" on the bottom of the document and then, in a hand that made Hancock look like Revere (hotcha!) he wrote
FIRST POST! FIRSTIES! FRIST FIRST FIRTS POTS!
He then ran laughing from the hall.
And nobody has seen Delaware since.
Correspondence of the Weak!
IBEater Slaney just asks y? Y? Y?
"Your world history class sounds exactly like mine, only my teacher's favorite saying was "There is only X amount of power." "
Did you then have to solve for x? Was there some sort of crazy crossover between world history and algebra 2? 'Cause that would have been sort of often. More likely, though, is that your teacher just had x amount of sayings where x=1 and 1=there is only x amount of power. I think I'm Will Hunting.
IBEater Not-Workstudy Dane presumably also was forced to color-code the countries of the former Ottoman Empire:
"I too had that powder keg analogy."
Which makes sense, because we went to school in an era rife with powder kegs. It was basically everyday I tied my horse to the hitching post and sidled bowlegged into the one-room schoolhouse past a pile of powder kegs. Such an apt metaphor. I'm from California. Slaney's a Hoosier. Dane, I don't know where you're from, but for the sake of argument let's say it's Montalasippiskoming. That's like a third of the country with crummy world history classes. Can I be honest? I feel so left behind. Somebody should enact some legislation so this doesn't happen anymore.
IBEater Laura responds to last Friday's Unsubscribe, in which IBEater Deena told me that people only write to be in COTW:
"She's right. That's why I've decided to only write to you on Friday afternoons from now on. "
Wait, you're only writing on Friday afternoon so that I don't quote you in COTW? Well I'll make sure never to quote you then. Wait. DRAT! Also, you do know that I don't just quote like random emails I get from my friends here? They actually have to be IB related. Although there are some good CHUCK NORRIS JOKES I was just forwarded. Perhaps I should send those along?
IBEater Slaney, whom you can find at www.slaneychadwickross.com, Double-Dips Today:
"I was at Barnes and Noble the other day looking at kid's books and I found a children's Chanukah book called Chanukah At Valley Forge [http://tinyurl.com/3dwdk4]. There's a picture of a dude in a yamulke lighting a menorah while George Washington looks on. Thought you'd want to know."
Yes. Yes, I did want to know this. I think I need to own that book. I think there's a whole line of books possible here, don't you? Yom Kippur at Little Big Horn. Rosh Hashanah at Gettysburg. Passover at the Charge of the Light Brigade. Um. You could switch it up and have like Good Friday at the Six-Day War. It could be a whole series! With a lot of complaints.
IBEater D-Lo D's Low:
"Are you telling me that when I die, I go to Virginia?"
I think when we die we go to Denver. I hear there's lots to do there.
IBEater My Brother makesh me laugh (note: "makesh" should read "makes"):
ERRATA
p. 587: "ERRATA" should read "ERRATUM"
587
Damn, that's funny.p. 587: "ERRATA" should read "ERRATUM"
587
IBEater Jason wrote me an epistle, yo. This is taken from Chapter 13 Verses 9-12
"Technically, there is a third footnote since I can plainly see it. In actuality it is just a footnote that isn't referenced. So the question becomes, does a footnote exist without a reference? There is a "If a tree falls and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a noise?" joke in there somewhere I just can't find it. "
If there's a joke to be made and nobody makes it, are the trees on butane? Whoops, guess I missed it too.
And, finally, IBEater Adam sleeps with both eyes open, but not because he's frightened. He just has a condition where he can't close his eyes:
"I must need sleep. I read that "Woolsey then sentenced himself to a be a ninja" instead of "ninety days."
And in my woozy state let me propose: is it really a punishment to sentence oneself to be a ninja? Isn't that the same as a lifetime sentence for awesomeness? Get to kill pirates all day long... "
That definitely would have made that one even weirder, right? I SENTENCE MYSELF TO BE A NINJA KEEYAI! I do like the idea of lifetime sentences of awesomeness. I would sentence myself to... to... be a cool guy... or something...
I guess I probably need to think about it.
Huh.
Anyway, IBEater Eric takes us into the weekend, with an email that he said wasn't intended for COTW but which somehow made it in anyway. Them's the nature of things, apparently. The answer to his query is, of course, that I NEVER LEARNED TO COUNT.
Back on Monday. No funny stuff.
*****
Unsubscribe Information
Let me preface this email with this: I love your haiku's. I look foreword to them all. They make me happy.
Now I'm not saying you made a "mistake" or "took the easy way out" or "bent the truth to make it follow your syllabic scheme," but Slaney Chadwick Ross is only five syllables. However, if you were to note this in your second line, the line would only consist of 6 syllables and not the 7 syllables you so eloquently laid down on our [squash].
Explanations? No need, unless of course you wanted to fill me in. Now I'm not saying that this "ruined my morning" or "caused me to get fired" or "gave me the runs so bad, I though it was raining on a sulfur quarry in my [squash]," but I will say I'm a smidgen confused.
By the way, this email is not intended for your COTW. I will not be one of those [gourds] picking at the content of your Haiku's like I'm actually doing. This is between you and me man. Mano y mano y haikuo. I don't know you man. Right now I'm not a cop. We're just two cool dudes on a bus.
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